"Wake up! Wake up! Today's our appointment with God."
             Fred opened one sticky eye and yawned. "What time is it?"
             "Eleven o'clock..." said Martha.
             "Eleven!" Fred bungeed out of bed. "We're late!" He sprinted for the bathroom.
             "...sharp," Martha said.
             Fred skidded on the rug, one hand on the door-jamb. "I mean, what time is it now?"
             "Seven-thirty."
             "Oh."
             "I've got the coffee perking; come out when you're ready."

             Fred and Martha spent an hour dousing themselves with lotions and potions, shaving (well, Fred anyway), and dressing in their finest clothes, which they'd already selected and laid out the night before.
             They sat dawdling a bit over a final cup of coffee. At last Fred said, "Well, that's half the battle."
             "Now comes the hard part," agreed Martha. "I'll do it."
             "No no no," said Fred. "I'll do it. Let me. Please, I insist."
             "You will? Okay, fine."
             "That is, unless you --"
             "No no no, you can do it. Feel free. My pleasure."
             Fred dragged himself out of his chair and went upstairs to get the kids ready.
             By ten they were all out the door, some still a bit damp, and hurtling down the driveway and into town.

             "Is this it?" asked Alice, looking out the car window at the enormous building in the center of the city. "Where's God? Why is it full of cars?"
             "No, dopey," Buster said. "This is where we park. God is next door."
             "Quiet, children. Remember your manners. This appointment is very important for your father."
             "Boy, I'll say it is," Fred agreed, easing into a parking spot on the third level. "This could make us or break us. What an opportunity. What - an - opportunity. It isn't everyone who gets an appointment with God."
             "It isn't?" asked Alice.
             "'Course not, airhead," said Buster. "God's the one who made the whole universe! That means everything. And He's gotta keep it running, too -- man, is He busy!"
             "It does stand to reason, darling, that he couldn't spare the time to see just anybody, personally," explained Martha.
             "I'll say it does. Boy, this will set - me - up," said Fred. They were by now in the elevator, going up to God's office on the top floor. "Wait till Al Jones hears about this. I'll just drop it real casual-like. 'The other day, when I was having a little chat with God --'"
             Ding! The doors opened and they entered God's outer office. One wall was a window on the whole western half of the city. God's secretary smiled at them from behind a desk the size of their living room at home. "May I help you?"
             "We're the Smith family -- I'm Fred Smith. We have an appointment with God."
             "Eleven o'clock," Martha added helpfully.
             "One moment, please." The secretary pressed a button on her desk and spoke into her phone. "The Smiths are here, Sir."
             God's voice came out of the speaker. "Send them in."
             "You may go right in," said the secretary. Behind her a high marble door opened in the wall. The Smiths ventured through it.
            "Come in, come in. Sit down," said God.
             They sat on chairs facing God's desk, which was even bigger than the one in the outer office. All three walls before them were huge windows that overlooked the whole city, but the wall behind them was an information-system screen that even covered the door, on which Fred (glancing quickly around) saw scenes from all over the world, as well as charts, graphs and tables that baffled him in their complexity.
             "Pleasure to meet you," said God. "What can I do for you?"
             "Well, first off, Mr. God -- " Fred began.
             "Just call Me God."
             "First we just want to say, Thanks for Your time!"
             "This is some cool setup You've got," said Buster.
             "Buster! Hush!" Martha hissed.
             "I think You're nice," said Alice.
             "Alice --"
             "I think you're nice, too, Alice," God said. "Is there anything you'd like to ask Me for? -- or tell Me?"
             "You mean, like Santa Claus?"
             "Alice!"
             "You dopeface!"
             "Shut up, kids!"
             "Ho ho ho," laughed God. "She's not the first to make that mistake, and she won't be the last. Mr. Smith, perhaps you have a list of petitions prepared? -- Yes, I see you do, inside your coat pocket."
             "Just a cheat sheet, God -- I mean --"
             "Of course. Why don't you just hand it over," God said. He glanced at the Rolex on His wrist. "It's been delightful meeting you. I'm sure you will understand if I..."
             "Of course," said Martha. They rose.
             God shook Fred's hand. "Good day, Mr. Smith, family. My secretary will give you a souvenir brochure on your way out. Thanks for coming."

             When they were again in the car heading home, Fred said, "Wow! Wasn't that something?"
             "You'll remember that all your lives, won't you, children?" asked Martha.
             "We sure will, Mom!"
             "And I'm all set now," Fred said. "My career is all - set! I have an in with God!"